Asking Forgiveness

6/1/2002

The Catholic Church is in dire straits these days, and for good reason. In
many cases, the charges of priests' impropriety has been met with hurried
avoidance.

Today I read a different account in the newspaper, though. Milwaukee
Archbishop Rembert Weakland, who had an illicit rendezvous with parishioner and
then paid him $450,000 to keep silent about the matter, made a full confession
before God and 400 others Friday.

On the front page of Today's Chicago Tribune, above the priest's picture,
was a quote: "I apologize to all the faithful of the archdiocese which I love so
much, to all its people and clergy, for the scandal that has occurred because of
my sinfulness."

His previous attempts at avoidance were declared over. There was no more
denial. Only an open confession of wrongdoing. And a plea for forgivness.

The response? A standing ovation from a tearful audience of 400. And a
front page story in Chicago's leading newspaper by an impressed reporter.

Not many corners of the church are getting a standing ovation these days.
And they sure aren't getting much respect from the press. This was a notable
exception.

There are two lessons here: The one on the spiritual level, the other on the
level of our everyday interaction with people. One that all of us in sales and
marketing should note and remember.

First, the spiritual lesson: You ain't getting forgiveness if you're too
proud to ask for it. If you do ask, it's only a prayer away. This was one of
Jesus' core teachings. One that is too-often ignored, even by ministers and
priests. No wonder people are cynical about organized religion!

The practical lesson:

People know the score. We all know what's right and wrong. And can easily
see it... especially in others.

Everybody at that service KNEW he had done wrong. Father Weakland had two
choices: Turn and run, or come clean.

He decided to come clean. He just admitted it. He asked for forgiveness.

It's pretty hard to dismiss someone who appears before you, admits they've
done wrong, and humbly apologizes. It's pretty hard to be cynical about a
person like that. As a matter of fact, we usually feel safer with a person who
has done wrong and fallen, than with a person who *appears* to have never fallen
at all.

I was in a situation where a HUGE potential customer had decided to design
my product into their product. This involved enormous amounts of software
integration and we did NOT have enough technical support to assist this
customer. Arguably I should never have tried to get the account in the first
place. I'd bitten off more than our little company could chew. From their
point of view it was a total nightmare. It was very tempting for them to just
find another vendor. And there was very little I could do about it.

But here's what I did: I called the engineering manager twice a week and
asked how it was going. He would tell me tales of horror, all the bizarre
tricks and work-arounds he had to do.

And I would listen. And apologize. And see if I could help in some feeble
way. If I could, I did. The customer would grumble and complain... and then
continue, satisfied that his vendor sympathized with this plight.

Last I checked, that customer had done over a million and a half dollars
with the company. My contrite hand-holding - and the efforts of everyone else -
saved the sale.

In addition to the lesson about honest apologies, I realized something else:

Empathy always goes further than competence. As twisted as it sounds, it's
really true.

Your product / service undoubtedly has shortcomings. But willingness to
admit those shortcomings will actually make up for them!

Most of us severely underestimate the power of an honest apology. But it
not only shows humility, it's also evidence of courage. And in a world of
cowards and cynics, people can't help but respect that.

Best of Success,

Perry Marshall
www.perrymarshall.com
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(C)2002 Perry S. Marshall & Associates